Salted Chocolate Pretzel Bark

I write this post from the deepest, darkest depths of my sofa.

I'm wearing my fluffiest socks, I've dimmed the lights, lit the candles and I'm watching steam rise from a freshly brewed mug of black coffee.

There are only two things which could make this moment even more magical.

Jake Gyllenhaal and/or Salted Chocolate Pretzel Bark.









It's basically a salty-sweet lovers paradise.

Dark chocolate loaded with chopped peanuts and almonds, cracked pretzels, chewy fudge chunks and broken Oreo's, melted together and smashed into gnawable slabs.

I know, right. The ultimate sofa snuggling indulgence.

You're going to need:

500g good quality chocolate. It's kind of the main event here so choose wisely. I like Green & Black's  because you can monitor how bitter you go with the handy %'s. I use 300g 70% cocoa minimum and 200g of 37-32g milk chocolate to lighten it up a tad.
3/4 of a pack of Oreo's. What happens to that last quarter is totally up to you. *Wipes cookie crumbs from face and disposes of empty biscuit packet*
1/3 cup rosted, salted almonds
1/3 cup roasted, salted peanuts
1/3 cup fudge pieces (I get mine from here)
1 and 1/2 cups of salted pretzels
A sprinkle of sea salt

OK. Smash your pretzels. Blitz your nuts. Smush the Oreo's into halves and quarters.









Next up, pelt your chocolate with a rolling pin and melt it in a big bowl over a pan of simmering water. Avoid using a microwave if you can, this is good chocolate and accidentally frazzling it is a total cocoatrastrophe.

Trust me, I've bean there before.





Grab an every day shallow baking tray and line it with grease proof paper. When your chocolate has melted, pour it in and even out with a silicone spatula.



When you're happy, load it up, baby! I start with a layer of peanuts and almonds, followed by the Oreo's, pretzels and fudge chunks. When it looks good, I throw on the rest of the nuts and a sprinkle of flaked sea salt. Maldon is my most favourite brand.









Pop your tray straight into the fridge and leave it there until everything has set. I leave mine overnight but if you're really pushed for time, 3 to 4 hours should do the trick.

When it's ready, it should look a little something like this:

Exactly the same as before but a little chillier.



Select an instrument of mass destruction (hammer, rolling pin, knuckles & brute force) and break your bark into smaller slabs. For the more precise foodies among us, warm a sharp knife under hot water and cut fancy slithers of delicate perfection.

Personally, I prefer the mass destruction technique and end up with this:



Salty, rich chocolate rubble, spiked with sea salt and creamy fudge.





Grab your loot, wriggle your way into the sofa and have a beautiful weekend!

Chocolate & Hazelnut Hunks

These cookies have altered my life. And maybe my dress size.

 

Chunks of crunchy, hazelnutty, chewy cookie, stuffed with pools of rich dark chocolate & a shortbread-esq buttery crust. Straight from my kitchen to your oven.

I like to bake a batch of these on Sunday mornings and stash them away for a naughty weekday treat. There's nothing in this world which makes jump out of bed on a Monday morning faster than a hunk, not even the manly, rugged breed.

What can I say? Hazelnuts and chocolate do it for me.

For 20 of your own delicious little hunks, go grab yourself: 

225g unsalted butter, softened

225g caster sugar

170ml Carnation Condensed Milk

350g self-raising flour, sifted

175g dark chocolate (70% cocoa solids min), chopped

100g hazelnuts, roasted and chopped
A few sheets of cling film

Each batch makes enough dough for two sittings. I keep half of my dough wrapped in cling film, tucked away at the back of the fridge in the event of an emergency, (discovering TOWIE has clashed with Law & Order, a missing iPhone charger...)

I'd suggest you do the same.

Righto. In a bowl, cream together your sugar and butter until pale and smooth.

Pour in the condensed milk with or without singing high-low-chicka-low.

Give it a good whisk, sift in your flour and stir as you go.

When it begins to form a dough-like substance, grab your nuts.

Toast them over a low heat for a couple of minutes until they're good and hot.



And whizz them up in a processor until broken up but still chunky.

Pour your crumbled hazels into your cookie dough and fetch your chocolate.

Chop into bite size chunks and invite it into the mix.

Stir it all together until well combined and looking fine and dandy.

Empty it out onto a flat surface...

Divide into two even balls...

And roll them out into sausage shapes.

Pop your cookie sausage on top of a sheet of cling film and wrap it up nice and tightly.

Repeat with the remaining ball of cookie dough.



Pop them in the fridge for as long as possible, but even one hour will work wonders.

Now, the hard part. Stay busy, stay strong & whatever you do, stay away from the cookie dough. Ten minutes before cooking time, preheat the oven to 180C.

When it's thoroughly chilly grab one cookie sausage from the fridge & a sharp knife.

Chop your dough into chunky segments, around ten cookies per roll.

Pop them on a baking tray and into the oven for ten minutes or until slightly tanned but gooey in the centre. They will continue to harden whilst cooling, so even if you think they're not ready just yet, chances are they're pretty darn perfect.

Leave them to cool and serve up with jars of frothy ice cold milk.

The remaining cookie sausage will keep for a whole week at the back of the fridge, however if it manages to survive that long I would strongly suggest you see some kind of professional doctor immediately.

Hunky dory.

Raspberry Fluffingtons

Fluffingtons are a little bit like dolled up crispy cakes.

You remember the good old fashioned crispy cake, right? A bowl of rice crispies, a glug of melted chocolate and a bit of stirring action, yes?

Well, if you've never tasted a crispy cake before, you've not missed much. Allow me to introduce you to her younger, sexier sister who's approximately ten times as naughty and a million per cent more lip smackingly irresistible.

Boys and girls, meet the Raspberry Fluffington.

Ultra gooey, chewy chunks of crackly rice puffs drenched in a smooth marshmallow gloop with a subtle raspberry zing. I know, I know. Life will never be the same again.

To make around 20 bite size squares, pop these on the shopping list:

2 tubs of plain Marshmallow Fluff
250g Rice Crispies
A good knob of butter
Freeze dried raspberries (I buy mine from Waitrose for about £2 a tube)
A drop of pink food colouring
1 tsp good quality vanilla extract
100g melted white chocolate (I used a lush white choc & strawb combo)

H'okay. Grab your fluff.

 

 

Scoop it all out into a large saucepan over a low heat with your melted butter. Leave it to melt for a minute or two and stir it all together until well combined and fully white.

 

 

 

Add your vanilla, give it one final stir and take it off the heat.

 

At this stage I like to grab my proverbial skates from the shoe cupboard and pop them on. Before the fluff begins to firm up, pour in your crispies and give it a good stirrin'.

 

 

 

As soon as it's coated nice and evenly, grab your freeze dried raspberries.

 

 

Sprinkle a small handful into your marshmallow mixture, around quarter of a tube.

 

 

Add a few drops of your food colouring and give it a gentle stir. You don't want the whole thing pink, so move your spoon in a twirly whirly (technical term) motion.

 

 

Done? Good stuff.

Tip your pinky gloop out into a lined baking tray. I use a deep square tin to get my squares good 'n' chunky. I like my fluffingtons like I like my cats. Chubby.

 

 

Pat it down with a spatula so it's tightly packed in your tin.

 

And scatter a few more of your freeze dried raspberries over the top.

 

Pop your parcel of deliciousness in the fridge. Now, melt your chocolate.

This stuff right here is the bomb digity. It's essentially white chocolate mixed with freeze dried strawberries, so if you're feeling creative, use normal white chocolate and add the rest of your raspberries.
 

 

However you do it, drizzle it all over your chilled square in messy lines.

Pop it back in the fridge for another couple of hours (or overnight if possible) until it's fully set and you physically cannot wait another second to sample your goodies.

When it's ready, chop it into even chunks, stand back and admire your handiwork.

Serve with warm milk, big mugs of hot chocolate or a steaming pot of tea.

 

 

And of course, you can 'fluff' these up any way you like. I've used chocolate chips and hazelnuts, coconut, banana chips and drizzled Nutella, walnuts and toffee sauce...

 

The combinations are endless.

 

Enjoy!